Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Top 5 Annoying Pop Acts

Top singer/groups who may arguably have talent (ARGUABLY), but still manage to be the scourge of radio everywhere.

5. Usher
I don't necessarily have anything against Usher. To tell you the truth, I actually like Usher. I think he is very talented in fact. But, I feel that there should be a rule that says an artist can only have a minimum of 3 songs released at one time, and can only be played 5 times every 12 hours. Seriously, if I hear OMG one more time on the radio I may just end up being the cause a major car accident, and I live in LA so it will be massive. What's more annoying is that all of his songs sort of run together. It's like an endless drone of golden synths and phat, booty bumping beats. (The kids still say phat right?) A friend of mine told me that the best way to deal with OMG is to pump it up before going to church. I can hear the choir now. OH OH OH OH OH OH OH MY GOD.


4. Justin Bieber
This one is pretty obvious, and I'm sure Beaver would be on the top of many people's annoying list. I actually don't have anything personally against the kid. He's just another harmless mega fad that will be gone within the next year or so. My question is, why? Why is he a mega fad? Why is the Beaver all of a sudden the biggest tween sensation since, I don't know freakin' Menudo, another confounding pop sensation that suddenly surfaced like a giant black head singing high pitched ballads to the under 12 masses. I honestly have no idea, but my theory is that it's either aliens, or the illuminati like Lady Gaga. I did, however, hear that Youtube had something to do with it, as did Usher. Wait...I figured it out. Terrorists, definitely terrorists.



3. T-Pain
Ah T-Pain. The Ambassador Of Auto-tune. The Sultan of Synths. What can I say about T-Pain? His act is 5 percent human, 95 percent electrical music enhancements. I know that's the point of the style, but what the heck ever happened to genuine musical talent and vocal ability. If I knew that all I had to do was talk (Not rap, Rap is awesome) into a mic and turn a few nobs to become a Grammy winning, multi-platinum, international music super star then...I would have done it. Oh well, maybe that's why I'm not a Grammy winning, multi-platinum, international music super star. I guess I'm just not creative enough. How utterly ironic.



2. Kesha
The only reason why Kesha did not get the number one slot on this list is because she hasn't been around long enough to have left a permanent scar on the face of pop culture (knock on wood). She's more like a hemorrhoid right on the ass of pop music that with after a little bit of time and ointment, will eventually go away. I know that sounds terrible, and I'm not saying that Kesha herself is anything like a painful ass boil. I'm sure she's a lovely girl. But If her music were any more stuffed with bubblegum beats and drug references it would be called blow pop. Get it, blow pop? Haha. Don't hate, that was hilarious. Seriously though, her music blows, and the fact that I could stretch that pun as far as I did proves my point completely.

1. Inrique Iglesias
This number one may be strange and surprising to some people. I mean really? What's wrong with Enrique Iglesias. I mean sure his songs are mind-meldingly catchy and sung the world over. And yes, the man gives smoldering a whole new meaning, and damn it I'm comfortable saying that. But does his shirt ALWAYS have to be unbuttoned? Does he ALWAYS have to sing like his heart has been shattered into a million pieces or he'll explode if a women does not join him naked in front of his fire place, no doubt on a bear skin rug? Would he please stop staring at me with those crazy, desperate to bang eyes. There's gratuitous, then there is Enrique Iglesias, and he's been doing this for years. I wish he'd just move on. Maybe Anna Kournikova just ain't giving him what he needs. You can only expect so much from a genetically altered tennis robot/fashion model.

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